My friend, Gillete

            

          The monster inside of me wants to take over once again.

Every time I’m depressed my friend, “Gillette” always wants to talk to me. While shaking I’m holding her hand for her to feel my wrist. I know she wanted to hear the beats of my pulse. The first time we’ve got together a year ago, I heard her whispering in my ears saying this, that I’m not capable, that I am not good enough. That everything is my fault. My questions are as deep as Mariana's. But my answers don’t fit the 4ft kiddie pool.

 I am still clueless about my whys and ifs, should I wear floaters for me not to be drowned in my own infinity pool of sorrow. That’s why I and my friend Gillette hold each other’s hands. While holding mine, I felt the eagerness of my friend to take away the pain. Together with the blood, I saw the words, worthless, coward, unhappy, idiot, selfless. Cause I let my friend Gillette take away the pain. I shouldn’t have to call her that time. I should have called my creator because he will always be my savior.

I cried tons of tears, had my signature bags under my eyes. Feeling sorry for what I’ve done. Made a mistake by hurting myself just because I feel empty and lost. The labyrinth in my mind is so elongated for me to escape. But my savior lighting my trail to get out.

I want to grow as the giant sunflower in a garden of roses, I always wanted to be the dragonflies in the world full of flies. I wanted to escape in the world of inescapable mountains of wretchedness.